Hard To Admit

One thing I find important in my blog is coming to you as a vulnerable, open individual.

I have to continuously commit and remind myself that each blog post should feel somewhat uncomfortable. If I don’t feel like cringing before I hit the “Publish” button, then it’s not an inspired post and I might reconsider the subject I chose to write on. Re-do!

The point is to reveal a part of me in each post that I’d much rather hide from the world or to talk about a technique I use to become more of a whole or happy person.  This week I’m going for the vulnerable piece.

Continuing on with that note I’ll let you in on my ongoing work with my own emotional addiction to food.

It’s Second Nature.

I work a lot in the emotional eating and food addiction area. I coach clients through their issues around food as well as tackle my own with my coach each week.

It’s been one of the most frustrating processes because  though I’ve seen amazing results  at times, the pendulum seems to swing back soon after. The more connections I make with how food serves me as a friend, a comfort and a safety blanket…only brings more layers to this seemingly bottomless pit.  I get frustrated on a daily basis and have to then tap on that too.

Don’t See Me!

My latest discovery is something that has floored me.

I realize that I am totally and completely uncomfortable with people looking at my body and giving me attention based on the way I look.  There is this whole disconnect between going to the store and shopping for pretty things to wear.  I love doing this! But the problem starts when I wear my new threads. The experience of walking down the street and getting attention from people passing by leaves me extremely uncomfortable.  Believe it or not I find myself flushing red and wanting to cover up!

So here I have this one pattern running to buy cute clothes and feel good about my body, while simultaneously feeling incredibly shy and vulnerable when people (especially guys) take notice. Yikes!

This clicks in perfectly with the ongoing inner battle I feel everyday when it’s time for me to eat.  There’s one half of me who really wants to eat a lot in order to put on extra weight and feel safe or hidden. There is this other side of me that adores the feeling of freedom I get when I eat only a little and experience a feeling of lightness instead.

Feeling a Bit Vulnerable.

Just this morning I threw on short-shorts with boots and long sweater.  While walking down the street I could feel the attention on me and felt the need to pull my sweater tight around me.

Now, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that this type of reaction to attention is going to keep someone from having a body they are proud of.  Am I right? I realized that I will not be able to kiss food goodbye until I feel okay with attention.

Great News!

So this is great news because now I have another area to explore. I keep hoping to wipe this problem off my plate (yes, that was somewhat of a pun!) but it’s a really deep subject.  I am learning to be patient with myself and the rate at which I work through this.  Truth is, it’s out of my control. My psyche is the one holding the keys to the door that houses the reasons behind my eating tendencies.

No worries. I fully support myself and I know I’ll never stop until I get to the bottom of it. I’m kinda relentless when it comes to getting it all out! (Hint: Struggles like these make us stronger and more equipped to help others!)

Did you really connect to this post? Write me a message and tell me your story, Eftinformation@gmail.com.

– Terran Leigh 


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Twitter: @terranleighEFT

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