I sit here in a coffee shop off of 6th Ave. writing to you. I feel the rumble of subway trains every few minutes or so. I’m listening to Interlude by London Grammar. This song makes me feel a bit heavy and emotional, but I welcome it because it makes me feel…something.
Lately, I’ve been forced to turn inward even more which is intimidating because I am already an extremely private person who floats in and out of being social and being a loner. I never want to disappear completely but New York has made it too easy. I have to continually pull myself back (or allow myself to be pulled back) into my friends’ lives.
My mom has been a crucial support for me since I moved because she helps to put a mirror up in front of my face while there is no one particularly close to me here. I have really awesome friends here in Brooklyn: some I’ve known from high school, met some while sharing tables at coffee shops and others I met through my jobs. But because I don’t see them everyday we are not super close, it feels.
The monotony is gone from my life completely. I seem to have accidentally and on purpose left it in Houston. What I mean by this is I’ve always claimed to want a flexible schedule but knowing inside my personality generally thrives on routine and predictability. I honestly didn’t think I could make “easy-breazy and flexible ” my reality without risking a nervous breakdown from the stress of constant change. Looks like I’m doing okay though.
My life is different every week, every day, every hour. I have to take pen to paper these days to keep my work schedules all straight, wouldn’t you have to with 4 different jobs? I wake up each morning with the work schedule of the day in my mind and a plan on what to do in the free time in between jobs. I decide where I will go once I’m off of work but most of the time life gently guides me elsewhere. I like it but it’s uncomfortable right now as I grow used to it. My mind is still clinging onto my pre-New York model of 8-5 job, then yoga, then sleep, then repeat…
I have taken another step toward growing myself with the support and insistance of my mom for which I am so grateful. It’s hard to invest in yourself (at least for me) but my mom makes it okay for me to do this and now it’s getting easier. I’ve signed on with two life coaches to help me grow and move forward. We work together via Skype, telephone and sometimes in person in beautiful sunny studios sitting on plush floor pillows. My coaches all practice EFT…the practitioner gets her own practitioner;) Haha!
I’m also doing a 6-month tapping / NLP program to help me change my patterns on how I approach life’s hardships: move farther away from stuffing my emotions and instead allow myself handle them in a healthy way…whatever that is…I’ll let you know once I “graduate”! I like the way I feel once I’ve made it through one of these programs: like a caterpillar emerging. Seriously, it’s a real high for me.
There. that was my introspective post. Enjoy the photos below…
– with love
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